It's interesting to think about how quickly it all goes away. Time leaves us with no care or worry. Often we don't even think about it passing, until there is no way of it ever returning. Ecclesiasties says that time is fleeting ( which means: passing swiftly- kind of like the snow in Colorado).
I used to think Ecclesiaties was written by a depressed, whinny baby saying nothing matters in the world but there is a time for everything. Which is all around confusing. :/
But what I've come to understand, is that the writer provides a lot of insight and truth. There is a time for everything; laughing, weeping, dancing, silence, fighting, life and death. A time for joy, triumph, sorrow and perspective. My understanding of this book is to remember it's not about our story and triumph. Rather it is about God, and his story and triumph!
It's ok to go through suffering and another time have feelings of joy and victory. And it's fine to wonder and be excited about life. As well as strive after Jesus and suffer for his sake.
But our life is fleeting, no wisdom, wealth or fleshly triumph matters in the end. God judges it all and it all gets burned up. It's all for his glory not for our own. No wonder it feels so depressing to read this book sometimes.
I have been thinking a lot about my life lately. What Iv'e done, said, promised, failed at, cursed at, dreamed, fought and lied about. How much of my life has been for Gods glory? How much of my time? I think it's mostly been about me. Which is stinky and a waste of the time Iv'e been given. I wish to be able to look back and see times where God was glorified in my actions and thoughts. Where obedience and faith lead to glory for him. There are some but it doesn't feel like much. I know some changes have to be made, starting now, because yesterday is over.
Not all of this time has been a waste though. Some wonderful changes have happened this year. I have found a church I love deeply and learn deeply from. I am finally married to the man God spoke to me about, 6 years ago and he's my best friend. I enjoy giving a tithe!- which is very new and rewarding. I have started giving more and thinking about how I can be better with our money, so I can keep giving. I laugh a lot, mostly because of my husband. He's a goof but helps me remember it's ok to give myself a break and just enjoy life. I study a lot more- my bible and literature. I have come to find apologetics tolerable and rewarding, rather than just annoying. Bible studies, teaching couples, discipling, obedience and joy have been gifts this year. This week I have been asked to think about teaching a bible study, mentor, pray, seek vision, write, make art and read more books.
I used to run from commitments, feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Often in the past I did to much and didn't listen when God said to stop or say no. But I think now it's God allowing me to have them because I'm ready for them. Whether I feel I have given him glory or not, he still seeks after me and gives me responsibility. And if I hold scripture true I can remember that he redeems all things and brings glory to himself through the wicked schemes of my flesh and my willing, obedient spirit.
Change for me still has to happen. I'm starting a diet and joining a gym. I'm going to read my bible daily and pray daily for myself, husband and others. I'm going to start fasting and asking the Lord for vision. I'm going to get out of my house and make more memories with others. I'm going to love my husband more and seek after God on how to do it better. I'm going back to school this winter and I'm going to finish God willing. I am going to write once a week and paint once-twice a week. I'm going to budget more and try and save more because I want to give more.
I don't want to be about my story any longer but see where I can contribute to GOD's story. It's all for his glory and I think these changes in my life will help bring him more. I can't make time come back but I can hope in Christ and ask him for help. I have started many things and failed but I know God is with me and cheering for me, even if Iv'e lost my cheerleaders.
Lamentations 3:22-24
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul.
" therefore I will hope in him".
It's just a start but I can't wait any longer. Yesterday is gone. Tick Tock
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